Heaven sent...

I was at the airport today attending a meeting for work and as I was leaving my boss and I decided to pop-in to the Brighton store. I have a cute Brighton bracelet my very dear friend Mayelin gave me so I thought let's see what else they have. I shopped around for a few minutes and although they had cute stuff nothing caught my eye. Then all of sudden as I was giving up, this necklace appears. Its a silver chain with a gold fortune cookie on it and it has a silver fortune sticking out of it that said "Lucky". I showed it to my boss, who knows my secret (at work it is) and she said "Oh that's cute you have to get it." As I rummage through the few that were left, I find another that says... are your ready for this..."Mom". I flipped! So I make my purchase all excited and leave the store. I take it out in the car one more time to look at my sign from above and notice that I hadn't gotten a different necklace at all, I just had missed the complete fortune. It says "Lucky" on one side and "Mom" on the other. "Lucky Mom" By now I'm in tears. Was this the sign from God that I've been waiting for every day when I say "God please give me just a little more patience"...I think He just answered me.

Where is she now or where will she be in China?

When we started this journey it always came to mind that although our daughter was not with us now, she was in existence somewhere out there. Since referrals slowed down, that notion seemed to fade away. Recently, since our 3 year LID anniversary (May 15th), those feelings have resurfaced and I have this internal excitement over our daughter, that I can't quite explain. Being that we may be just shy of a year to meeting her, she already exists, that just amazes and saddens me. She may already be born or close to it. If she's still growing inside her biological mother then she's experiencing the warmth yet confusion and stress of her mother's impending difficult decision to let her go.

It makes me sad to think that by the time our daughter meets us, she will have had two major losses in her life. She will lose the love of the mother who she grew inside of and her caretaker whom she'd grown to love. This will be a difficult transition for our daughter. We have educated ourselves on helping her to cope with these feelings that she may not be able to articulate until she's much older. Don't worry baby, we'll be here for you the rest of our lives, God willing.

--Although you didn't grow under my heart, you grew in it.

5 Year Wedding Anniversary and other news

I'm trying to stay current on this blog, but really it's not much fun without news from China. The good thing is this week referrals went out to families that were logged in March 14, 2006. Our Log-In Date (LID) is May 15, 2006. So we have 62 days of LIDs before us. The next group from my agency will hopefully get their referrals by June or July and then we're down to 1 more group ahead of us! Things are getting a little more exciting, although sometimes I feel like hurry up and wait.

I estimate it could be another 6-9 months depending on China. We have the crib and dresser now. I guess we'll be getting some more little things each month. We are still debating the name but hopefully we'll be ready to share it once we see our daughter's little face.

On other new... we just got back from a beautiful weekend getaway in Key West. It was ultra romantic and relaxing. We celebrated 5 years of marriage. I am truly blessed to have the most wonderful husband in the world.